North Korea's Kim Jong Un: Just a Smiling Softie of a Dictator . . .

British Association for the Study of Songun Policy
Kim Jong Un's Flaming Desire for Children to Succeed
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I know you're all wondering what's going on up in the North Country, so we're today looking at an open source intelligence report's translation of a North Korean article conveyed to us courtesy of the Korea Open Source Digest (Volume VI, Issue 27, Friday, February 8, 2013), which cites the Korean Central News Agency as announcing that a "British Organization Praises Kim Jong Un" (02/07/13):

The British Association for the Study of Songun Policy posted an article headlined "Leader Kim Jong Un's smile" and a photo of him among delegates to the celebrations of the 66th anniversary of the Korean Children's Union on its website on Jan. 30.

An association of a two or three Brits? Brits who meet to study Kim Jong Un's views on the North Korean policies of songun (military first) and juche (autonomy)? But who also find time to study his smile? Sounds promising, so let's read this report on the brilliant smile of the dear, respected leader! Of course, there will be interruptions:

"Leader Kim Jong Un's smile"

The beaming image of Kim Jong Un, leader of the DPRK, is seen very often in world media, the article said, and went on: His smile is attracting many people across the world, indeed.

Hmmm . . . so when he smiles, the whole world stops and stares for a while? Could be a theme song for a decent musical! Except that this sounds more like a report on a report. 'Indeed', this reads like British English. Let's soldier on:

His smile represents the personality of a great father embracing the people and offering them love and affection.

Lovely fellow. But is he always like this? Of course! He's the soul of dependability, as reliable as a North Korean promise:

He always meets anyone anywhere and any time with a broad smile.

Anyone! Anyone at all! Even South Korean President Lee Myung-bak? Apparently. How positively consistent! A regular hail-fellow-well-met sort of guy! What else does he do?

He strokes the cheeks of children and hears their whispers.

Uh-oh . . . that rings a few bells. Children's Union, indeed! Time to rethink our impression of this guy. I wonder if that last word, "whispers," is a misspelling, i.e., replace the first "s" with "m." (Not an intentional pun on S and M!)

He has peculiar photos taken together with ordinary soldiers and people arms in arms.

Now, this is getting outright weird: peculiar photos depicting intertwined bodies -- the young, hefty dictator with his soldiers (military first!) and other unspecified persons. That ol' son of a gun! And I'd thought he was a juche sort of guy.

He always stresses the need to put the interests of the people above anything else and gives them top priority and devotes everything to them.

Yes, everything devoted, right down to the very last inch of that hefty male! All for the the people's special needs, of course!

His smile reflects his belief that it is quite possible to build the DPRK into a thriving socialist country before long.

Quite possible! Before long! Promises you can bank on! As dependable and reliable as can be.

He said it is the firm determination of the Workers' Party of Korea to make the people lead a wealthy life under socialism to their heart's content, not suffering difficulties again.

Again? Like the mass starvation of the latter 1990s? Nah, that never happened, so he must be referring to the suffering under imperialists. I trust that the members of the Children's Union understood his point. Doubtless, he whispered it to each tiny member as he stroked cheeks and drove his dictatorial point home.

His smile represents the pluck of the strong convinced of the final victory in the confrontation with the imperialists.

Pluck of the strong? Rather choosy of him to go only for the strong, but that perhaps means the soldiers from those peculiar photos mentioned above. They'd be more useful than unspecified persons in confronting imperialists:

He, his face beaming with a broad smile, inspected the island defence detachments stationed in the biggest hotspot aboard a small wooden boat without any escort ship when the U.S. and South Korea were staging a dangerous joint military exercise.

I guess he showed those imperialists and their puppets who the big boss is! Just come into my hotspot, his broad smile seemed to say.

This calm and composed image left unforgettable impressions on many people of the world.

The report forgot to mention what these impressions were, but they were unforgettable . . . if rather peculiar.

Only shining victory will be in store for the Korean people thanks to the broad smile of the leader.

A truly powerful smile, that! He must have a really good dentist. And here's the moral of this story: We can't all be dear, respected dictators over small countries, but we can all attract intertwined bodies if we only just take care of our teeth through brushing and flossing regularly and seeing our dentist twice a year.

Oh, and don't neglect to practice your own juche smile! The whole world smiles with you!